Rai-key (rai_key) wrote,
Rai-key
rai_key

Aging again

Moment by moment nothing seems to change. I learn a little more, time passes. The sand moves through the timer. I feel like the same person as I did at 18 as I do now. The sand moves at the same pace, but it seems to move faster now and there is less of it as time moves. My face is getting wrinkles. I fight with bits of tape and consider costly surgeries, but what does it matter I have no husband and no career. I trade my youth for wisdom. My experiences seem to just happen and they cause me to seek wisdom as they also do to my peers. Am I as wise as they are? Am I even as wise as a philosophizing youth? The sand keeps moving. Have I done everything I wanted to by this age? I cannot be an athlete anymore. Dreams and possibilities have passed me by for not acting now, what could I miss by not acting on my remaining youth? Stuck in between youth and old age. I could still fall in love again or follow a new career. I am haunted by regrets, so I focus on the now and advise kids who won't listen like I didn't. My body is starting to fail me. I go to the doctor for new aches or pains, "you are too young for this" she says. Nobody wants to age, but it is the price paid for wisdom. In our society we worship youth, wisdom is cast aside, perhaps this is our downfall.
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Ya know what I say to all that "aging" BS? "F***k that sh*t!" Seriously, most of my life I didn't care what people thought of me, why should I start caring now? People that are close to me, like family, yes, I care, but not at the price of myself. Not that I wouldn't lay down my life for someone I loved, I would, but my Self? No. Do you know what I mean? It's about integrity. I'm not going to sacrifice my integrity.

Youth is overrated. Or as in that immortal line from "It's A Wonderful Life": "Youth is wasted on the wrong people!"