Rai-key (rai_key) wrote,
Rai-key
rai_key

I am trying to be who I would be despite my disability. However, treating my disability takes hours away from my time. Today I swam for two hours, granted all that is required is thirty minutes of exercise to relieve depression, but I enjoy swimming and the sauna seems to help. I spent another hour and a half in group. I take meds, so I sleep an extra two to three hours a night so I lose hours of time to my recovery every day to some recovery related activity. If I choose to skip the recovery I usually spend the same amount of time feeling sick, which means crying or something equally unpleasant and unproductive. With the time left I try to live my normal life. Even that is not normal, because I have negative symptoms like poor memory. I persevere through that too and just say well I feel as normal as I am going to feel at those times, so I will make the best of it. I am trying to keep up three different career tracks art, computer science and writing. I compare myself to average or above average for these pursuits, never disabled people, though other people like to. If I cannot produce the results everyone else can, then what kind of an inspiration am I? An inspiration of how disabled people are not as good as normal people and need a pat on the back for trying? No, I'm pretty lazy and my recovery keeps me busy, but I still have standards.
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