Rai-key (rai_key) wrote,
Rai-key
rai_key

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well...

I've decided to submit my photos to some papers, in hopes of finding a job or recognition for something I love to do.
I honestly think it is premature, but my family seems to like them so much.
I can't help dreaming about something and wanting it.
I'm honestly very apprehensive about life in general at this point, call it pessimism or quarter life crisis (as my online friend calls it). I don't really have 100% faith or desire to be in a film (yet here I am writing).
It is one of the only dreams I had for longer than a week that I really wanted.

I never dreamed about data coding websites (no I don't do that for anyone, but myself right now). I never even dreamed about being a photographer, but I think it would be a much more relaxing and fun life.

I like things that I can feel like I am picking the pace. For film no matter how organized (or disorganized it always is for my production) it still feels like juggling with your hands tied.

photography is good, though, because I am controlling the camera, there is still character creativity and even story (not story lines I guess).

I guess it isn't like I have to decide right now what I want, but it seems like a waste to spend thousands on film school just to be a photographer. (edit: to be not even good enough to be a photographer). *original entry edited to preserve the comment.


anyway, too much thinking out loud.
I secretly (well, not so secretly now) HATE making decisions.
what a good hatred to have to want such a decisive job as director :-S

really nice day today, downcast.

I wonder if anyone will ever figure out what life it really about.
Tags: autobiography, bad life choices, college, downward mobility, lucky, my white priviledge problems, school, writing
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